I am no longer doing all the things I think I should do. Most days I find myself being quite satisfied with 'not' doing. Perhaps its an age thing or am I becoming aware of what is of value and what is not? The basics of every day busy 'ness' somehow happen, but there is not that great need to accomplish, to create, to make my day 'count'. Count for what? There does not seem to be a need to impress myself or others with my ability to do. I have become more focussed on 'being', being present in the moment of where I am and not sidetracked in what I think my 'shoulds' need taken care of.
It is different but I think I like it. I believe I can live with myself being more 'present'. It's quite calming, peaceful, and it does fill me. Meals are still prepared, laundry done, house is clean, business taken care of, relationships happen, but there is a new way of doing this. I am not sure what transpired but when I wake up at 5 in the morning I no longer lament the lack of sleep, or complain to myself that its too early, or whatever. I sit in my chair, foot stool in place, soft shawl draped around my shoulders and I breathe. There are times I am no longer aware of my breath and when I become conscious once more I am flooded with love. This undescribable gift completes me, never leaves me, reminds me how completely loved we all are, at all times.
I no longer critique myself about being an emotional human being with all my flaws and catastrophes. It is the form and the journey I have willingly chosen in this perception of time as I know it.
I am attempting to pay attention to the constant 'nows' I find myself in and to stand back and observe with love and no judgement.